Friday, January 30, 2009

Forces of Geek

Yeah, so I'm writing a weekly column over here now...which is good if you feel like you're being neglected on this blog and by you...I mean the one follower I have.

Sunday, January 25, 2009


Imagine if you had to root for the Oakland Raiders for 16 games a year. Now, that is some sad shit. Not a team that had the greatest comeback in the history of the Super Bowl, but a team that seems like The Bad News Bears...if The Bad News Bears were millionaires who worked for an insane old man. Or a Knicks fan where you try to dredge up the glory years in your memories to remind yourself it wasn't always like this. Or a Mets fan where you start counting down the days to an epic collapse, the minute that the first pitch is thrown on Opening Day.

This reminds me of that scene in The Godfather where Don Corleone screams "You can act like a man."

Stop your blood clot crying.

Saturday, January 17, 2009


Seriously. Anyone who has watched Eddy Curry play basketball knows that he's a cream puff. He's puppy paw soft (word to 40). So to think that he sexually harassed someone is RIDICULOUS. He has never ever showed the slightest amount of aggression on the court, lest it be mistaken for effort and justify his absurd $8,000,000 salary.

Curry's accuser, David Kuchinsky, is a former felon. I'm not saying people can't change, but it doesn't lend to his credibility. My favorite part (and the most far-fetched part of this story) is where Curry would stand nude in front of Kuchinsky and say "Come and touch it, Dave." That just seems ridiculous. It sounds like something you'd say to a girl when you're fifteen. I'm just curious how many future fantasy sports teams will be dubbed "Come And Touch It, Dave." (Note to self for next week's trivia team)

My guess is that Kuchinsky saw an easy mark in Curry because...he's Eddy Curry, the poor man's Michael Olowokandi. Curry, already a victim of a home invasion a few years ago, is probably still a little shook. I imagine the shakedown went like this.

Kuchinsky: Give me two million.

Curry: What? No.

Kuchinsky: Give me two million or I'm going to make up the weirdest stuff and have your face splashed all over The Post and The Daily News.

Curry: No.

Kuchinsky: Have it your way.

Kuchinsky probably just thought to play up Curry's cream puff status and intimate that Curry is a closeted homosexual. In the post-John Amaechi era, maybe he figured he'd ruin Curry's career (a feat Curry has achieved on his own), maybe get to write a book about his life as the chauffeur of a closeted NBA player.

An underachieving, salary cap vampire with a heart problem (in every sense)? Yes. Sexual harasser? (Or should I say his-asser? Thank you. I'll be here all week. I just flew in from Israel and, boy, are my arms tired.) Probably not. But it still makes for an interesting story line to the love/hate relationship the New York Knickerbockers organization has developed with their fans these last few disastrous years.

Wait. I wonder if there's a morals clause that can get Curry released for his alleged antics. If there is, sign me up for Team Kuchinsky.